Al Gore's Victory Speech

Good Evening. I would like to thank the American people, except for the ones in my home state who know me too well, for voting for me. I wouild also like to thank Chad in Florida and my team of airborne Lawyers who made this all possible.

I will immediately reverse all of the decisions made by my former President, Bill Clinton, even though I supported them 100% when I had to. All acts of Congress done onder his administration are now suspended.

In the next few hours I will get our government all straightened out. The con man Chalabi, who duped everybody in the former administration, including me will be immediately cut off and all monies given to his phony INC will be recalled. Bin Ladin will be captured by nightfall and we will never ever have any more terrorist attacks on American Ctitzens. Saddam Hussein will be contained in a few minutes and he will not be able to support terrorisim or murder his own people ever again.

I hate to cut it short but I have 50 years of work to do before the end of the day.