TO: M. LANE, MANAGING PARTNER, WAYLAND BRANCH (in absentia)
FROM: PERSONNEL DEPARTMENT LFPS, LAYABOUTS FOR HIRE & AT LARGE
RE: YOUR BIRTHDAY
DATE: 12 JANUARY, 2006
______________________________________________________________________

You will note that your birthday is being observed three days late in accordance with company policy. As noted in your benefits description you are entitled, in addition to your customary layabout duties, to do sweet fanny adams for the duration of the day. Remember that less is more.

We offer the Call for Another Keg, Eh (CAKE) and Indolence Creptiation Eructation Corpulence Recumbence Ennui Ataxia and Moribundity (ICE CREAM) benefit to all employees who are aware enough of their natal days to celebrate them.

Remember, at LFPS we could only do less as a government agency.

Horace T. Somnolence
Personnel analyst