Sorry, Ron Davies. I'll post the whole. Please note the copyright restriction.
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I Never Had Sex With That Woman
Words: Stephen Suffet (last verse Ada Prill)
Tune: "Rosin the Beau" ("Acres of Clams")

One morning my fair lady found me,
In the arms of our young chamber maid,
And when she demanded an answer,
Oh, these are the words that I said:

        I never had sex with that woman,
        Though the contrary comes to your mind,
        I never had sex with that woman,
        Depending on how it's defined!

I did not a thing to arouse her,
I gave her no pleasure, you see,
I averted my eyes and dropped trouser,
And allowed her to have sex with me.

        So I never had sex with that woman,
        Though the contrary comes to your mind,
        I never had sex with that woman,
        Depending on how it's defined!

'Twas then that my lady surprised me,
"I'm a sister of Sappho," she said,
"For that young chamber maid has enticed me,
Many hours have I spent in her bed."

        But I never had sex with that woman,
        Though the contrary comes to your mind,
        I never had sex with that woman,
        Depending on how it's defined!

So all you young fellows take warning,
And attention to me should be paid,
Or you'll find your fair lady one morning,
In the arms of that young chamber maid.

        And you'll never have sex with that woman,
        Though the contrary comes to your mind,
        Oh, you'll never have sex with that woman,
        No matter which way it's defined!


Words by Stephen L. Suffet and Ada Prill © 1998.---         "Permission is hereby granted for free use in any live performance provided proper credit is given. All rights are reserved, and anyone wishing to record or publish the song must obtain permission of the authors."

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I sing this regularly in the local clubs about this time of year but (following Mr Suffet's permission) only while I'm alive. It's actually one of my more requested songs.