As is my wont, this morning I took my quiche and sausage and drink down to my office and checked by email. After I had finished, I was going to check out the 'Cat and awaken Mom to another beautiful day.

While I was reading my email a Strange, Hostile Force had taken me offline. I rebooted the modem and router three times, and the PC once. Nothing.

I called the ISP support number, and a voice said, "Do not resist. It is futile. Your new brain implant is ready. Please come quietly, George, or we will pulverize your planet."

Well, I was puzzled, especially since my name isn't "George." I replied, astutely I thought, "Huh? My name's not George." And the voice on the phone said, "Is this Washington, DC, Pennsylvania 6-1600?" I said, "No, this is a phone in Pocatello, Idaho."

There was a pause and the voice said, "Aw, shit, Sam, you screwed up the phone number AGAIN! Goddammit, you stupid piece of Rurotarian...." and hung up.

I debated with myself over calling the number they'd mentioned but decided against it. I really didn't want to get involved, and besides, I had to get ready for work.