"I would guess that a fair few have just decided to fade away as agression has made the site less congenial"

Could it be that when Mudcatter had fewer members, it APPEARED to be more congenial?   I have been visiting this site, daily, for a number of years.   I think there were always a few that would bicker and instigate fights and what we see today merely reflects the increased number of people who visit this site.

I came from a very quiet family with most of my relatives living in Pennsylvania. My parents came from large families and there always seemed to be one or two aunts and uncles who weren't talking to each other. I remember being at a family gathering and watching two aunts get into a shouting match because one person did not like the way the other made the coffee. All kinds of past history was dragged up over an innocent comment. They did not speak to each other for years. Most of the time, people just watched what they said and the gatherings were quiet and often boring affairs.

My wife came from a large Jewish family from Brooklyn. I was amazed at the level of noise at one of the first gatherings I went to. People were laughing and joking and telling each other what they thought. They did not like something, they let it be known - often punctuated by a joke. No one took offense. No one was angry with anyone.

Honestly, I see many people here on Mudcat having very thin skin and letting themselves become upset at piddly things.   If you know someone is a jerk, you do not have to embrace them, just understand what they are and move on. Instead, people here become combative and look for a fight - both sides.   Usually one person feels that they were slighted and drop out of sight, rarely to be heard from again.

Mudcat is not a family, it should not replace a family, but it can be a friendly and fun site if YOU approach it with the right attitude. You aren't going to change someones mind or approach to others - they come here with established patterns.   Accept it for what it is, find the joy that STILL exists here, and enjoy yourself.   Don't worry about the jerks. They eventually get tired and drop out of sight.