The *** Independent Press *** always stands ready, gentlemen, to leap into the breach when others would shrink back, but it is also incumbent upon each and every one of our readers to face down the forces of global domination in your own streets and boardrooms and your own local and national halls of power. We can but sound the clarion call to action!

LOOK for the lizard-like coldness in their eyes!

NOTE the complete lack of warmth and loving emotion!

DON'T BE FOOLED by their pretensions of moral and social responsibility!

These are world-devouring creatures who want nothing less than global domination and millions of helpless slaves to do their bidding.

Regarding this Shiney Knause, I will consult my voluminous files and see if he can fit usefully into the situation. If so, we shall follow up on your suggestion.

The usual men in black suits have been following our investigative journalists around and attempting to intimidate this publication, but we shall not be silenced!

I am Hector Ballsworthy and this is the *** Independent Press ***!

"THE TRUTH WILL OUT"