For those of you who want the song as originally published, and the melody as well, the song "Turned Up" (its original title) can be found complete in sheet music form at this Australian historical sheet music site:

http://nla.gov.au/nla.mus-an10544570

Below are the original words. Pretty close to what Chelsea Jimmy gave above, but you can see a little bit of folk process at work from here to there.

Credit is due to Amba Lee and her researching talents for turning up this gem.

Enjoy! Bob

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TURNED UP

Words and music by Herbert Rule and Harry Castling. Published B. Feldman & Co., London 1924.
As sung in the Sydney, Australia music halls by Miss Rosie Lloyd.

In our little village there has been a tragedy,   
Deary, deary me, such a terrible tragedy
Mary Ellen Bottomley today should have been wed,
It's a good job that she didn't, so everybody said,

CHO
Mary Ellen at the church turned up,
Her Mother turned up and her Dad turned up,,
Her sister Gert and her rich uncle Bert,
And the parson in his long white shit turned up,
But no bridegroom with the ring turned up
But a telegraph boy with his nose turned up
Brought a telegram that said, he didn't want to wed,
And they'd find him in the river with his toes turned up.

The people waiting in the street, they fairly blocked the road,
They waited in the road for the money the bridegroom owed,
My heart is broken, cried the bride, so Jim the butcher's son
He rushed into his shop and brought her out another one.

A week went by, then someone learned the bridegroom wasn't drowned,
He went around and found John asleep in his bed so sound,
His real wife, she was waiting at the church that day, it's true,
Said, if there'd been a wedding there'd have been a fun'ral too.