Police throughout the midwestern United States are reporting sporadic outbreaks of violence in public libraries and Internet cafés as irate forum posters have descended upon them en masse chanting "Death to the infidel copycats!" and "There is no thread but The One True Thread!"

Officials in California have cancelled vacations for all emergency personnel in anticipation of the unrest heading their way. An un-named police official in Humboldt County was heard to remark, "These weirdos out here don't really need a reason to get slap-happy. This copycat stuff'll be as good a reason as any. Lock and load, boys!"