My next door neighbor just emailed this to me.

How to install a wireless security system:

Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work
boots, a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on
top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside
it, a really big dish. Leave a note on your front door that
says something like "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get
more ammunition - back in 1/2 an hr. Don't disturb the pit
bulls. They've just been wormed and they are a little edgy."

I'm finished checking my email, I took my dogs for a walk and fed them. I still don't have a voice and I feel like crap and need to go sleep. You all carry on without me today.

Where'd I leave that netti pot? . . .