In response to all those above:

I did address my concerns to the group. It touched of a major sh*tstorm, and simply made everything worse.

The issue of respect is very much in play here, and has created a lot of "baggage" for me.

Band rules agreed to by all are disregarded when not convenient.

My suggestions on stylistic direction and arrangements has been disregarded.

So I am going to quit. That will still be sad, in spite of everything. But thanks to all of you who made me realize it is not the end of the musical world for me.