Sitting on the hopper this morning, just about to bear down, when this evil green-headed thing pushes up from between my legs. Now I've had some evil things down there before now, but nothing like this freak!

Then, it looks up at me and asks me if I've seen its daddy, Bobert.

I was expecting something from Bobert, but not this, gawd knowz!

So I grabbed it by the neck and we had a grand old tussle rolling around on the bathroom floor, me choking it and it strangling me with a few loops around my throat. (It's grown quite a bit before you unleashed it on the world, Bobert!)

Just before I blacked out, I managed to beat it senseless against the bathtub, chipping quite a bit of the enamel in the process. Then I stuffed the bastard back into the toilet and flush it back down. I don't know where it'll surface again, but I've got the bathroom door boarded shut and am using the neighbour's toilet right now. So beware, all!