Freda, it wasn't ME you lent that book to, was it ;-)

I've been having the same problem, being surrounded by some very negative people - my daughter in particular, who I find very draining. She won't get help either, and is convinced that all her problems are somebody else's fault - quite often mine, according to her. "Emotional vampires" is a very good description. I also call them "people poisoners". My mother was one too.

After a while, it dawns on me that some people really don't WANT to be helped. There's a payoff for them somewhere in being that negative, and as Susan said, there's a difference between helping and taking responsibility for someone, so all you can do is back off and look after yourself, which is what I am trying to do now.

I seem to attract people like this. I like to think that I am by nature a happy person most of the time, and they latch onto that, like a drowning man. Unfortunately, like a drowning man, they have the effect of dragging others down too. I don't think the most positive person in the world is strong enough to stay that way in the presence of continuous relentless negativity. I finished a relationship 3 years ago where the negativity was overwhelming.

Trouble is, when I am being dragged down and it is getting too much, I sometimes need someone to talk to, and I am very much aware that if I am not careful, I am going to sound that way to the person I am talking to, and pass the doom and gloom on to them, so I try to limit the dose and go and get on with something, like the gardening.

Jenny, who is off to tidy the back yard for the BBQ.