People like that are emotional vampires. They can be very toxic. Through years of experience with one sibling, I decided like you, Jenny, that they really don't want things to get better. In my sibling's case, I think they're just so used to the status quo it's difficult for them to even fathom things changing for the better.

Interestingly enough, when we all decided we'd had enough and were not going to play along, withdrew most of our time, energy, and support, this person started doing positive things for themselves. Still bitching and complaining a lot, BUT moving in the right direction.

The thing with people like that is they have to WANT things to change AND they have to do it themselves; no one can make it better for them. It took me a long time to learn I could NOT take care of things and make it better!

Best any of us can do is take care of ourselves, FIRST.

Good on you, Jenny, for taking care of yourself. I know how difficult it can be with a family member, esp. a daughter.