Hey Ghost I was going to suggest Brick Lane! Especially if he uses his favourite term "towel heads". Yep he'll go down a storm. And he could round the evening off with a drink in Old Compton St.

Sorry martin but Europe doesn't have a guide book for homophobic, racist, mysogynists. Maybe you could write one?

1. Got out at Heathrow - too many foreigners went to room.

2. Got out at Rome - too many foreigners and these ones couldn't even speak English. Went to room.

3. Got out at Munich - too many foreigners who couldn't speak English and didn't know a decent sausage. Went to room.

4. Got out at Venice - too many foreigners who couldn't speak English, didn't know a decent sausage and the men wore tight jeans (too dodgy.) Went to room.

5. Arrived back at Heathrow - nearly spoke to a foreigner out of desperation as I haven't been able to converse for the last week due to only having the one language.

6. Flew home - refused the onboard hospitality from the gay air steward as these guys carry disease you know.

7. Ripped up passport.