Hi Sarah,

I was taken to see Michael Flanders & Donald Swann's 'At the Drop of a Hat' as a child and still turn to them for some humour, so while Honeysuckle and Bindweed may not quite be trees, how about 'Misalliance':

Misalliance

The fragrant Honeysuckle spirals clockwise to the sun
and many other creepers do the same

But some climb anticlockwise,
the Bindweed does for one,
or Convovulus, to give her proper name.

Rooted on either side a door
one of each species grew
and raced towards the window ledge above

Each corkscrewed to the lintel in the only way it knew
where they stopped, touched tendrils, smiled
and fell in love.

Said the right-handed Honeysuckle to the left handed Bindweed
"Oh let us get married if our parents don't mind
We'd be loving and inseparable, inextricably entwined
We'd live happily ever after" said the Honeysuckle to the Bindweed.

To the Honeysuckle's parents it came as a shock,
"The Bindweeds", they cried, "are inferior stock,
They're uncultivated, of breeding bereft
We twine to the right and they twine to the left".

Said the anticlockwise Bindweed to the clockwise Honeysuckle;
"We'd better start saving - Many a mickle mak's a muckle
Then run away on a honeymoon and hope that out luck'll
Take a turn for the better", said the Bindweed to the Honeysuckle.

A bee who was passing remarked to them then;
"I've said it before and I'll say it again
Consider your offshoots, if offshoots there be,
They'll never receive any blezzing from me".

"Poor little sucker, how will it learn
When it is climbing, which way to turn,
Right, left, what a disgrace
Or it may go straight up and fall flat on its face."

Said the right-hand thread Honeysuckle to the left-hand thread Bindweed
"It seems that against us all fate has combined
Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Columbine
Thou art lost and gone forever, we shall never intertwine".

Together they found them, the very next day
They had pulled up their roots and just shrivelled away
Deprived of that freedom for which we must fight
To veer to the left or to veer to the right.


I'll send you a PM with some other tree stuff (not funny)

Best wishes,

John (South Brent)