I'd make hats compulsory. They would have peoples phone number, and DNA profiles on, favouite ice cream flavour, predilections in ladies underwear, and the number of speeding tickets they'd been issued with.

Anybody with the wrong hat on would be sentenced to a period of readjustment, until they agreed that no one who wasn't wearing a collarless Grandad shirt, without the regulation finger in the ear, and possessing all the Waterson/Carthy cds in existence should be allowed to sing folk songs.

theres too much of it about, and we need to clamp down.