Ya oughta see what happens to Peeps. No, on second thought, you wouldn't. It's...it's...just awful!!

And yeah, I noticed the ads too. And I do know how to use a semicolon, 'cause the nuns who taught me grammar in grammar school gave me a semicolonoscopy right there in front of the class and everyone. And I was shamed by it, I tell you, shamed!! There I was, an innocent second grader, left in front of the class with my participle dangling, my articles exposed for all to see, and a semicolonoscope stuck in my gerund! This event warped me. From that moment on I was turned from the paths of righteousness; when I got home even my mother commented upon it (note the semicolon!). She said, "Son, you have no right to sing the blues!" and I told her what had happened and she gave me the words and music to everything Blind Lemon Jefferson, Robert Johnson, and Leadbelly every sang. That brought me to folk music and before you knew it I'd given up singing "Doggie In The Window" and was strummin' a Martin Airdreadnought and singin' "Goober Peas" and "Little Joe the Wrangler" and "Whorehouse Bells Were Ringing" and "Lily of the West" and "Lorena" and "Ten Thousand Goddamn Cattle." Never again was I picked to sing solo at the annual Christmas Play. Never again was I trusted to sing backup doowop in the church choir. Finally, my fall was completed and I took up the trumpet.