I'd hate to hear from their detractors, Ard!

Listen, I have just been released from a mental offenders' institution that didn't enjoy a telly, and I wuz wundrin' why Alan 'Shagger' Smith doesn't appear on the team manifest.

In the days when I was still employable, young Alan was stepping out with my boss's daughter. When boss heard of Alan's epithet, the relationship was cancelled. It was a Leeds thing.

Who needs football when you've got Trago Mills!