Your turn in the barrel Bugs! I had a quad back in '97 and look at me!..................Uh, not a good example.............Actually I am. The bypass was very successful and the problems I've had aren't related to the success of the surgery. Kendall up there was worried too and now he says it was okay. I warned him about the sneeze and let me give you the same as he did!

They're now doing bypasses here robotically as they did my mitral valve. Unfortunately it just isn't universal yet. Here's the same advice I gave Kendall......... When I had the quad by-pass, they went to great lengths to explain prior to the surgery about "What to do if you have to cough." They explained all the details of holding the pillow over your chest, arms crossed, etc. Then they said that this was traumatic to the surgical incision (read: chopping your breastbone in half with an ax--actually they use a nice little POWER SAW!!!). Then, as soon as you are off the vent, the first thing they want you to do is COUGH. Now I know this is to keep your lungs clear and prevent pneumonia, but you'd think they could come up with a "Lung Sucker" of some sort so you wouldn't have to wouldn't you? So you cough for them and they say, "Again...a little deeper this time." You wish at this point you were stronger so you could get out of bed and kick their collective asses.

After this comes the cruelest joke. You feel a sneeze coming on. All of a sudden, in that nanosecond before you sneeze, a whole series of thoughts fly through your brain which can be summarized by, "If a cough liked to kill me, this is gonna' be a motherfucker.......and the SOB's never MENTIONED sneezing!!!" After the sneeze, when someone has picked up the quivering blob on the floor that used to be your body and returned it to an upright position, thought #2 hits-----"Sneezes always seem to come in 3's." Uh-huh. Two more sneezes later, you are barely alive and wondering where you can steal some morphine when a nurse walks in and, after a check of your vitals, says, "Okay, now cough...Have to keep those lungs clear don't we?" You try to remember anyone you've known in the past who might be willing to drop by the hospital and beat this bimbo to a bloody pulp.

And why do they all say "we." Like, "We have to cough....We have to get our exercise....We have to take our shower." The main practioners of this plural art are always the most unattractive women you have ever met and you want to say, "Honey, I wouldn't get in a shower with you if I was being attacked by Killer Bees."

Of course there are bedpans......How the hell can you shit lying flat on your back? Actually you're arched backwards. So they whip the sucker under you and then leave......and don't come back......and in the meantime a group of friends walk in.........right then.............

And get a note from your doctor if they use wire and staples to hold your sternum together because you will set off metal detectors stark naked. I'm serious here, especially in this day and age.

I really enjoy the part where you try to move around with all the stuff hooked up. Especially fun is walking down the hall with your IV stand held by one hand, your catheter bag half full of piss in the other, and your ass hanging out. Very attractive.

Bugs my old friend, you'll do great!!! Get someone to post to us as soon as you can so we know all went well. And if it doesn't, well, what the hell.....I can start a joke thread about you!!! I can call it Weird Fucker Croaks in Western Oz.

Spaw