Ewan MacColl had the first one as follows:-

Me father died a month ago
And now I'm full of riches,
A barbed-wire fence and fourteen pence,
And a pair of wooden britches,
A broken spout for pouring out,
And a cup without a handle,
An old tom-cat and a furry hat
And half a ha'penny candle.

My late lamented Mother, when out to shock, would sing to the tune of 'The Girl I left behind me':-

Oh Mick struck Mike with a ball of s---e
At the battle of the boiling water...

Alas, no other words!

FC