Jeff,

First. another heartfelt offer of condolence from a stranger (almost...the Mudcat has its own community magic).

As many here know, I lost my own wife (love, lover, partner, best friend...on and on) four and a half years ago. It brought home a hard truth. There's a saying in some hard-nosed twelve-step groups, "I know that I am temporary." It can be easier to accept that, in the end, than to accept the temporariness of those we love, those by whose light we have come to see ourselves and to define our lives and purpose.

The Queen Mother, as quoted by Mr Red above, put it very well: "It doesn't get any better - you get better at it."

Vaughn and I had a favorite quote from the old show 'The Fantastiks': "Without a hurt, the heart is hollow". I never realized I would come to live by it, but I do.

Usually, I just say, "anything good is bittersweet," and leave it at that. Because it is. Something wonderful happens that you would have hardly been able to wait to share with your partner...and she's not there. Something sad or awful happens; you turn around, or reach for the phone at work, and...she's not there.

And a peculiar chemistry happens. You get better at it. The things you shared, and the light she shed never wholly go away. They go with you into places you never thought you'd have to go alone. They go with you into new friendships and new directions. You come to share them in ways you never thought you could.

It is nothing you would ever have chosen. There can be very empty times. Be as wise, careful and gentle with yourself as everyone above has urged you to be. But you do get better at it.

And you carry the light on. Even when you can't believe it, you do.

As the folks above have said, stay in touch with us. - George