From the mouth of an Alabamian:

She was so ugly she coudn't sneak up on a stump.

They hit him with the ugly stick, and they used the whole tree.

She ain't wrapped too tight.

Don't get your panties in a wad. (Other regions' variants, knickers in a twist, etc.)

From my mother: When they were handing out brains, she thought they said trains, so she asked for a slow one. (There are hundreds of variants)

An old one: Did you hear about the [ethnic group] [or hair color] bank robber? S/he tied up the safe and blew the guard.