TAE A FERT

Oh whit a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter a feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts tae stir an enormous wind
The neeps an tatties an mushy peas
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blowin all ower the place
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A'body's gonna have tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It's like a bullet oot a rifle

Haud yer bum tight tae yer chair
Tae try an stop the reekin air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae god it doesnae reek
But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap o thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me a sonic boom

God almighty it fairly reeks
Hope a huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog I better scurry
Aw whit the hell it's no ma worry
A'body roon about me chokin
Wan or twa are nearly bokin
I'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile

Wis it him I shout wi accusin glower
Alas too late, he's just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout an stare
A dinnae feel welcome any mair

Where e're ye go let wind gang free
Sounds like jist the job fer me
Whit a fuss at Rabbies perty
Ower the sake o' wan wee ferty