strangely enough, its the other way round for me.

I started getting ill a couple of years ago. I'm waiting to see a surgeon now to see if he can help me recover my health, but I can't gig professionally any more. just can't hump round guitars and PA's and late nights and travelling - well I just can't do it.

so I'm playing at home a lot more now. I'm working on technical stuff at home like home recording. (Why do they make those bloody instruction books for electronic equipment so hard to understand?)

I miss the whole thing. setting out to a gig. even the pleasure of the gig coming in over the phone, as an endorsement of what you chose to do in life. the way something sort of clicks in your mind, and you feel the audience enjoying what you do in the first few seconds, you think 'got them!'

what I would say Tim, is maybe you need to talk to somebody experienced in the business. you may be just banging on the wrong doors. there are a lot of avenues in this profession , and my mistake - and I think a lot of peoples - they think, this is what I do - take it or leave it. And some audiences will leave it - maybe you just have the wrong audience.

For years I wanted to be a folk club pro. I was a good enough singer. I could piss rings round most of the pro's musically. I was a creative songwriter, but I wasn't right for folk clubs. Couldn't conform to what they wanted - traditional folk music, as exalted by Colin Irwin and Karl Dallas and Folk Roots insulted my intelligence. Nobody in my family belonged to that tradition. Or anybody elses family, as far as I could see.

anyway for whatever the reasons, I left the folk clubs to it. found my audiences and found happiness as a performer. Maybe you need to do the same. its not an easy journey, but its worthwhile - you obviously have the performing bug inside you, and you're just trying to get it right. stick with it, but start looking round!