Whit d' ye say when a daft drunken highland Scot comes aroond tae the singaroond wi' his bluidy bagepipes and insists on playin' along wi' every damn song, and that's nae all! The stupid git plays the damn thing off-key.

When his turn tae play comes up he raises bluidy hell if anyone plays along wi' him! He says, "Dinna be playin' over ma song! I cannae tolerate that!"

This particular damn Scot has a personal hygeine problem whit ye would have tae experience tae ken whit it's like. Tae puit nae too fine a point on it, he stinks.

He also makes it a habit tae say, "That song of yours wis absolute rubbish! I hope you dinna play it again tae soon."

If there are any women at the singaroond, married or not, he flirts wi' them ootrageously. He thinks he is a combination of Sean Connery and William Wallace. He says, "I could fancy you...and I'm dead sexy! Want tae take a little stroll wi' me? Ye know ye do..."

When ye play a sad song he sneeringly pantomimes a crooning violin. When ye play a funny song, he yawns and says, "God! When does this one end?" Whey ye play a trad song, he says, "Ye stupid bastard! It's not 'hey, nonny, nonny' in that song. Ye've got it all wrong. Here! Let me show ye how it's done on the bagpipes."

When his turn comes he plays a song that's 25 minutes long. When you're playin' your own songs he keeps frowning and checking his watch. At the conclusion of the evening he says, "Well, that was what I call a piss poor singaroond. I may see ye next week, I may not. If nothin' else at all guid comes up, expect tae see me. Otherwise, not bluidy likely."

And then he does show up on the following week!

Whit d' ye call this kind of behaviour?