Hmmm, Dad sings a song about the Grand Hotel

The Grand Hotel , it's a damned hotel
They've neither a scrape nor a bell
They've a cow with three legs, which doesn't lay eggs
and the chickens don't lay any milk
because they're all ducks, excepting one swan
and yesterday that laid a banana
but the landlady's daughter brings my shaving water
and that's why I stay at The Grand Hotel.