Mizchuck and I came up with this, which we perform regularly. Haven't been sued yet.

THE TUNBRIDGE FAIR:

Oh, the mud was deep, and the midway noisy,
And the smell of fried dough filled the air
The very first time I came up from Joisey
To have some fun at the Tunbridge Fair.

You were dressed in...well, that was the attraction,
And you got goose bumps in the cold night air
And the people gathered 'round, just to catch the action
At the girly show, at the Tunbridge Fair.

        And you danced all night, and the moon shone brightly
        On your rosy cheeks, and your curly hair.
        And I fell in love, so I came back nightly
        To the girly show, at the Tunbridge Fair.

I came back to Tunbridge, last September
And sure enough, I found you there
But the show was gone, no one could remember
When the last one closed, at the Tunbridge Fair.

You had gone from dance into law enforcement
You had a big ol' gun, and a badge to wear
And a uniform, and that, of course, meant
You were overdressed for the Tunbridge Fair

        So I spent the night in the local hoosegow
        For what I said when I saw you there,
        And I realize that it's no use now,
        Yelling "take it off," at the Tunbridge Fair.

        But in my dreams, the moon shines brightly
        On your rosy cheeks and your curly hair
        And the memory arises nightly
        Of the way you danced, at the Tunbridge Fair.

        When I found romance, at the Tunbridge Fair
        But I missed my chance, at the Tunbridge Fair
        Now you're wearing pants, at the Tunbridge Fair.