Oh, utter nonsense! In addition to software you can pirate DVDs, CDs, MP3s and other stuff. None of that climbing up into the rigging during a storm or being hung in chains between the tides, either. Of course some of the software pirates might slap you silly with their hankies, but that's a risk of the job. And those white-collar prisons, why, you might not even have a graphite tennis racquet!

As for talking like a software or video pirate: "Well, I see we're several seconds short on the ending. Just sell it anyway. Nobody really cares how this turkey ends."