How's this??

I'M A VILLAIN
(from the Prairie Home Companion Folk Song Book)

I'm a Villain, a dirty little villain
I put poison in my mother's cream of wheat
My chief delight is to pick a fight
And I beat little kids on the head 'til they're dead.
'Cause I'm a villain, a dirty little villain
I leave a trail of blood where'er I go
I put a stain on the family name
And I eat-raw-meat! Pass the toothpicks!

I'm a Villain, a dirty little villain
I leave a trail of woe where'er I go
I take delight in stirring up a fright
And hitting little babies on the head 'til they're dead.
I have gotten a rep for being rotten
I put poison in my mother's shredded wheat
I put the blot of the family escutcheon
I eat-raw-meat!

Friendly little song, isn't it?