Have I got the place for you! The one and only real and official Utopia itself is less than 20 miles away from here. Yes, indeed. Utopia, Ontario, Canada...a lovely ten-minute drive due west from the big city of Barrie, nestled in rolling hills where farmland alternates with big swaths of forested land, and there's even a provincial park just down the road.

I'm not kidding. The place really is called Utopia. I used to sail radio control sailboats in the old millpond there.

You will, however, have to leave the USA.

Major music scene? Umm...well, not exactly what I'd call "major"...but Toronto's not too far away. Low crime? Very low. Zero drugs...??????????? You have, like, got to be kidding, eh? There ain't no community with, like, ZERO drugs, eh? Hosers take drugs, man! But the drug scene in Utopia is real low key, man. You'd never even notice. Take my word on that. This is yer 100% harmless type drug scene. No gunfights. Airport within an hour or two? Abso-flippin'-lutely! Toronto.

There ya go. ;-)