The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #95595   Message #1864591
Posted By: GUEST,lox
20-Oct-06 - 05:04 PM
Thread Name: BS: A little Malawi boy and Madonna
Subject: RE: BS: A little Malawi boy and Madonna
once again, the assumptions being made by GUEST are as far from the truth as they could possibly be.

I have agreed with the well though out approach of a Brit. That does not make me a brit, so your thinly veiled attempt to rouse my jingoistic fervour is unfortunately way wide of the mark.

You missed.

Kat (the american who posted the link to the article in question) is not a brit either, so to try and polarise this debate into one between Limeys and Yanks is not only cynical but pointless.

"Again, the idea that the adoption should be done according to British rules is just plain silly."

Again, you demonstrate a weak and shallow understanding of what the article said.

Read up on Attachment and abandonment issues and personality disorders, read about the consequences of upheaval on a child and reread the article.

I have enough relevant experience in this area to justify my passion. My passion is based in love, care and the engagement of my brain in best trying to understand how those things are most effectively nurtured.

There are 2 seperate issues here.

1. the problems of starvation and AIDS in Malawi

2. The issue of responsibility towards a child who is being adopted and moved far from his real family with whom he has a relationship.

The two issues are mutually EXclusive.

Like I've said before, well done for showing concern for an issue, but that does not give you the right to take risks with a childs psychological well being because you've taken a shine to him. We're not talking about a puppy.

The father is very poor, and wants the best for his son, so of course he will say "go on and take him." Any loving father would make that sacrifice.

Thing is, it's not about what the dad is prepared to sacrifice, it's about what the child needs. I am sure that if the father was aware of abandonment and attachment issues and what they mean to people who have them, he might find the whole process even harder than he must already be finding it.

To understand this you need to learn about what abandonment and attachment issues are.
_______________

Barry Finn

What did you know of your friends childs history? were the parents still alive? if they were, did they have contact with their chiild?

I'll bet the child had no contact with it's biological parents at all and so it would have been a case of "the sooner the better" to get the child adopted, so as to foster some kind of security and stability in the childs life.

The fact that your friends were well to do by comparison with most vietnamese would have been a bonus.

I may be wrong so feel free to correct me, but if I'm not then your friends were in a very different situation to Madonna.

In Madonna's case, the child has a relationship with his father. This is to be disrupted with no apparent indication of an attempt to ensure it be maintained.

Again, to understand why this isof such importance, you need to read about attachment and abandonment issues. They ae not trivial things and are to be taken extremely seriously.
______________________

So, in short, Malawi <-> Baby , seperate issues.

On issue of baby,

It's not about Madonna, or the Dad, but about the child and his emotional and mental health.

That constitutes neither hate, icon bashing nor hot air.