WSG had the dubious honour of having The Yarn of the Nacy Bell turned down by Punch Magazine as 'Being in doubtful taste'.
Way back in this thread I saw someone mention 'The Hoyly Rig'. I used to doit like this, may not be exactly Bob Robert's words, but near as I could remember:-

The fishin' were bad, and me boat laid up,
Though me and the lad aren't shirkers,
When this bloke came into our local pub,
An' he said 'I'm looking for workers!'

Well, he sounded to me like some sort of a Yank,
But he stood us a couple or three,
And he said 'We'm buildin' a Hoyly rig,
To fetch hoyl up out of the sea.

Well I'd heerd these fanciful tales afore,
So I asked him 'How much does it pay'
'Oh, twenty or thirty quid' sez he,
'A week' sez I 'Nay a day'

Well I went on home an' I'd thought nothing more,
But the missus she fusses an'frets,
And she sez 'You'll mek more in a month wi' yon,
Than tha will in a year wi' your nets!

So, the next Monday morning, it's down to the docks,
And we signed on , the young un an' mee,
And went off wi' this Yank on a tug to find out
If there were any hoyl in the sea.

We worked on a great big platform thing,
Wi' a drill going Wheeee, Wheeee, Wheeeeeee,
And all the time drilling a bloody big hole,
In't bottom of th' old North Sea.

Well, we drilled an' we drilled for three weeks or a month,
An'no sign of hoyl had we found,
'Til one day our lad looked o'er the side,
An' said 'Hey Dad, the tugs gone aground!'

Well I looked o'er side an'what did I see
But the sea going Glug, glug, glug,
And swirling away down that hole as we'd drilled,
Like the bath water goin' down th' plug.

Then a hiss, and a roar, and a great cloud of steam,
Up out of the hole it came,
And up popped the head of the Devil himself,
An' said 'Hey up what's your bloody game?'

'You've put out me fire, me coals all wet,
You've cooled down each oven an' hob,
And Hell isn't hot, it's all soggy an' wet,
You've ruined me whole bloody job!'

Well, I on'y laughed an' said 'Ruined thee job?
Aye, I reckon we've done that alright,
And you'll never get Hell hot again if tha tries,
'Cos no bugger will give you a light!'

So we done some good with our Hoyly Rig,
We cooled down Hell in a hurry,
So now, when you die, there's nowt else but heaven,
So you lot have no need to worry!

Needless to say, written before the discovery of North Sea oil!

FC