Learn, understand and grow.

Try and concentrate on what's important to you (what was important before you met) and build on that, and if you've forgotten what those things are, then

a) get back in touch with them; your friends, hopes, activities, aspirations passions etc and

b) never let those things be marginalised again. Someone who cares about you will want to recognize the importance of things that are important to you.

The hard part for me is dealing with, on the one hand, caring deeply for someone, whilst at the same time being angry with them for their total lack of self respect let alone any kind of respect, understanding or empathy for me.

But just to make it more complicated still, in my case I have to come to terms with the fact that my ex was so badly damaged in her chiildhood that she really has no idea at all what any of the terms I have used really mean, so on the one hand I am wasting time caring, and on the other, I am wasting emotion being angry.

He/she who ignores their history is condemned to repeat it. I need to understand why I would allow myself to get so deeply embroiled in such an emotionally unfulfilling and damaging entanglement.