Dear Still Living Guest, as someone who has also lived in that "dark tunnel" of which you speak, my heart goes out to you. I lived in it, within a psychologically abusive marriage, for many years before I finally found the courage, as you now have, to voice my thoughts and fears to others.

There is nothing worse than being in that abyss, feeling that you are alone and with no way out. If your partner, by their words or actions, slowly kills your self-esteem over the years, it becomes all too easy to believe the negative, despite that tiny positive voice deep inside you which tells you otherwise. I am so glad to see from your post that you are wise enough to recognize that this is happening. Do keep listening to your own 'positives', however small they may seem at first - because, believe me, by listening to them, and shutting out the rest, the positives will grow and give you ever greater strength and confidence.

Please know that you have done the very best thing by speaking here, and carry on talking - here and, step by step, in the 3D world also. Once I started talking to people about my situation (which I had kept quiet for so long, trying to keep up the pretence of a happy family), I came to see that I was far from alone and that where I thought there was no way out, there were many good, positive choices before me. I remember so clearly the relief, the feeling of walking through a door that had been barred to me. I only realized later that I had been the one barring the door. It had been open all the time. Realizing that you DO have a choice, even without necessarily acting upon it, will start to bring the light flooding back into your life.

As others have said here, I urge you to talk and talk and talk some more, to as many trusted people as you can find, both people you already know, and also to helping organizations, such as Relate. The more people you talk to, taking time to think things through, the more confident you will be that each step you take towards making changes in your life will be YOUR decision.

Please consider this: moving into an unknown future which, looking from the outside, may appear to point to "nothing" could in fact turn out to be "everything" once you have walked a little way into it, step by step.

This may or may not be the choice you eventually make, but I did choose to leave my long marriage, 7 years ago now. It was not a hasty decision, I did all that talking I've mentioned above. Yes, at the outset, when I first started to realize that I DID have that option (despite all the barriers I had put up for myself against leaving)I found the thought of it scary, like walking into "nothing" -but that was before I started seriously talking, thinking and taking sensible time over it. I have said here in previous threads on this subject, that I would so much love to "revisit" my old self, in my old life, to put my arm around myself and say "It won't always be like this. You do have a choice. You can and will make everything very different and very much better."

I can't go back in time and do that - but I can say that now, to you.