Words are used as a way of signalling an attitude. It's the attitude that is mean to insult, and the attitude that may deserve to be resisted and attacked. Focusing on the words themselves is like shooting the messenger.

It's quite possible to convey the same insult and avoid using particular words, and be every bit as insulting and offensive. That's why the words identified as offensive change - new words that are intended to avoid offence get taken up by people who use them in order to offend.

And at the same time it can be possible to use words that have been identified as insulting in a context where the attitude being reflected is not insulting.

There are times when it is quite right to focus on the use of language, as a way of focusing attention on attitudes, and making people more aware of the presence of hate and prejudice in themselves and in others. Objecting to the use of some words, because of the way they have been used, is quite justifiable.

But we shouldn't treat the words as magic, and pretend that changing them in itself makes all the difference, or that on a particular occasion the important thing is whether or not a particular word was used or not.