Within a month, you'll be walking into the chemist with your head held high and saying, I want the rough, tough toilet tissue that only the mounties use when they're on the trail in the Yukon. Cos I'm Pennifere of the Rockies - I can wipe my bum with the best of them and I know more open tunings than Joni Mitcell and I can pot a ball faster than Cliff Thorburn - although the red ones have unpleasant memories for me.