Well, chaps, and I assume that you are all chaps for no lady would write something here, I had thought that I recognized "Phil the Pill" (as we called him in school). I see that I had mistaken one of you for him and for that I apologise most profusely indeed. He would regale us with stories of his amorous adventures and would quite keep the Common Room in stitches. His story of his outing with two sheep, a crofter's daughter, and a flock of geese, in which his activities were interrupted by both the crofter and a very large bull mastiff, is quite droll and classic. Some of his stories about the highjinks he and Liz did in the early years of their wedded bliss are also quite humourous -- the one about him hiding in the suit of armour and Liz inspecting the suits for "Sir Lotta Lance" leaves one quite breathless with laughter.

Of course, loyalty and the qualities of a gentleman prevent me from repeating any them.