I think we all feel a bit like this - and on bad days, a lot like this.

This is because we get told from being very young that we have endless opportunity - compared to our parents.   a bit like that Bedford song, I could have been an artichoke said the tomato. Its all our parents , or our wives' fault, or husbands - they held us back, dammed up the wild torrent of our endless ability.

Complete bollocks of course - given our slender hold on reality most of us make the best decisions we are capable of.

I wouldn't have suspected you of feeling like that paul - you always seem so sure of your opinions on Mudcat, and what you're doing.

I don't think being dead is the solution. I find a certain amount of comfort in Friends reunited. As soon a you get talking to all the successful guys, you realise there are stark choices to be made in life. And you end up thanking God, you didn't make their choices.

Ashes to ashes. Everybody's life disintegrates into shit at some point. You just have to hope you make the most comfortable choice for you.