[A couple more old liars. The second song below is unusual, in that the liar doesn't swear that he is telling us truth.A Whetstone for Lyers.
A Song of strange wonders. beleeve them if you wil,
As true as some stories that Travelers tell.
To the tune of With a trick that I have.
From Barwick to Dover,
Ten thousand times over,
I truely have traveled
ten times in a day:
From the top of Pauls steeple,
In the sight of all people,
To throw myselfe headlong
I hold but a toy.
From the top of Westminster,
To the middest at Cheape, [Cheapside
I skipt or'e the houses
at one standing Leape:
From thence unto Greenwitch,
In the fight of many,
I bouust o're the barges,
yet never toucht any.
From off Richmond Castle,
Nine miles into Scotland,
Ile run in a morning
at one breathing course:
Ile march in a minute
From Norway to Gothland,
And ne'r be beholding
to th' helpe of a horse:
Ile dine at Duke Humphreyes [meaning 'to go hungry'
To day at high noone,
And the nest night at supper
Ile meete you at Roome: [Rome
Ile travel the world,
To what place you can name,
And never crosse river
till I come at the same.
Ile walk upon Thames
As well as on dry land,
Without being carry'd
in barge, ship, or boat:
Ile goe at a high tide
"Twixt London and Gravesend;
As swift as a wherry
I finely can flote:
And then without danger
Ile pass Yarmouth sand,
And bravely and safely
at Plimouth Ile land:
Ile goe on a Message
Unto the great Turke,
Ith' morne; and at night
Ile be heere hard at worke.
All naked in winter,
Ile swim hence to Green-land,
To Russia, Polony, to Denmark or Freeze [Friesland
And oft in a humour
To Holland that fine Land.
I run, and came backe,
yet no man me sees.
I have on a sudden
Swum over to Spaine,
At midnight, and heere,
in the morning againe.
All this have I done
As for truth may appeare,
And more then all this
as you after shall heare.
I likewise have studied
The learned vocaiton, [sic]
To see how the starres
and the planets doe move:
I know in a minute
What's sone in all nations,
And for weven yeeres after,
what events still shall prove.
If French, Turke or Spaniard
Against us conspire,
Ile burne their whole armies
with balls of wild-fire: [Greek fire?
The shot of a cannon
I hold but a toy:
I kill'd thirty thousand
when I was but a boy.
The victuals that would
Gargantua sustaine
The space of a yeere
I doe hold but a bit:
For bring the ten thousands
Of Waynes strongly laden,
And I in a day
will devour every whit.
Of hogsheads the biggest
That's in any house,
Ile drink off twice twenty
at a mornings Carowse;
And blow thorow my nostrils
Such a blusterous gale,
'Twill make thirty thousand
tall ships for to sayle.
Although I have travel'd
Through sword and through fire,
And past adventures
as never did wane,
Of all sorts of people,
I hate a base Lyer,
What talkes of adventures,
yet never saw none;
If you meete with a fellow
That will prate, brag and lye,
Tell him of my Travels,
he'l cease by and by.
Thus wishing true Souldiers
Thus honours increase,
A fig for base Lyers,
and so I will cease.
Finis
Printed for F. Grove, dwelling on Snow-hill.
The original of this is probably "From Berwick to Dover, ten thousand times over" in BL MS Sloane 1489, f. 26, and is probably by George Whetstone.
A few years later we find:
The Joviall Broome man: Or,
A Rent Street Souldier's exact relation
Of all his Travels in Every Nation.
His famous acts are all shewne here,
As in this story doth appeare.
To the tune of Slow men of London.
Roome for a lad that's come from seas,
Hey jolly Broome-man,
That gladly now would take his ease,
And therefore make me roome, man.
To France, the Netherlands, Denmark, Spaine,
I crost the seas, and backe againe.
Yet in these countries lived I,
Saw many a valiant souldier dye.
Ah hundred gallants there I kill'd,
And beside, a world of blood I spild.
In Germany I tooke a towne,
I threw the walls there upside downe.
And when that I the same had done,
I made the people all to run.
And when the people all ere gone,
I held the towne myselfe alone.
When valiant Ajax fought with Hector,
I made them friends with a bowle of Nectar.
The Second Part. To the same tune.
When Saturn warr'd against the Sun,
Then through my helpe the field was won.
With Hercules I tost the Club,
I rol'd Diogenes in a tub.
When Tamerlaine overcame the Turk,
I blew up thousands in a worke.
When Caesar's pompe I overthrew,
Then many a Roman lord I slew.
When the Ammorites beseig'd Rome's wals,
I drove them backe with fiery balls.
And when the Greeks beseig'd Troy,
I rescued off dame Hellen's joy.
And when that I had won this fame,
I was honor'd of all men for the same.
At Tilbury Campe with Captain Drake,
I made the Spanish Fleet to quake.
At Holland's Leaguer there I fought,
But there the service prov'd too hot. *
Then from the League returned I,
Naked, hungry, cold, and dry.
But here I have now compast the Globe,
I am backe return'd, as poore as Job.
And now I am safe returned backe.
Here's to you a cup of Canary Sacke.
And now I am safe returned here,
Here's to you in a cup of English Beere.
And if my travels you desire to see,
Hey jolly Broome-man,
You may buy't for a peny heere of mee.
And therefore make me roome, man.
Finis. R. C.
London, Printed for Richard Harper, in Smithfield.
[Not entered. Harper first appears in 1643 and Richard Climsell seems to have disappeared by 1640.]
* 'Hollanders' League' was not 'Holland's Leaguer'. The latter was a slang term for Mrs. Holland's brothel, c 1625-32. For Lawrence Price's 'tongue in cheek' description of it, see his "News from Holland's Leaguer' in Vol. I of 'The Pepys Ballads' (with a woodcut of the brothel). Elizabeth Holland was carted in Feb. 1598, and put in Newgate until her fine of 40 pounds was paid, for keeping a brothel at Pickthatch.
Tune is from song, "Slow Men of London", in Beaumont and Fletcher's play 'With Without Money', but tune seems not to have been printed until the 18th century. Song and tune in 'The Musical Miscellany', II, p. 74, 1729. Tune in Vol. III of 'Dancing Master' and in John Gay's 'Polly', 1729, as "The Disappointed Widow". Song with wrong tune, "Jamaica", is 'Pills'.
^^