(Recap update) nothing happened. Then the band began playing "O Tannenbaum or Red Flag in March Tempo. Then the partridge started to steam and flew away, never to be caught, plucked, stuffed, pickled, potted or poached. Santa paraded naked ,wearing nothing but a feather boa protruding from the angel's neatly placed embouchre (?), much double-tonguing, said:
"Where can I find a Furbie?"
The shopkeeper laughed, perhaps unwisely, at Santa's dumbass question, but kindly old Santa smiled, and aimed his shotgun at the shopkeeper's ring dang do.   Assorted crushed nuts tumbled to the sawdust covered timbers on Santa's head, while two turtledoves were flaming it lightly over hickory for serving with chips.   A loud "It's delicious!" cried the mistletoe-bedecked but otherwise celibate from the waist-coat, reeking of egnogg priest. "Beware the Jabberwock, my children of the Night of Regret!"   But fortunately, Kermit the aquatically challenged nasally sealed amphibian sang off key.
Frogs cannot sing, although they often, when seeking company, will hum loudly by rubbing their stocking clad legs lovingly against the private parts of killer bees who made Michael Caine their bloody Queen.   Did you know, not many people believe that Kwanzaa is nudists' favorite holiday, because black is the colour of my true love's Labrador retriever.   But chestnuts roasting on the barbie doll are often shaped like rugby players' jock straps, which proves that nothing is ever what it isn't.   
Christmas over for some, but many don't even bother to stop carolling, even during sex while stampeding over dead bodies of the January sales for hot bargains!
Santa, now jobless, jumped off the woman he'd just lei'd in Maui and abruptly started struming his banjo, which incited wailing and projectile vomit plus naked elves furiously pelting children with rotten tomatoes dipped in chocolate.
Meanwhile, in ANWAR, a sinister plot thickened, involving 20 elves and harriWatts band stirring up. The Dagenham Girlpipers (sorry) stormed the stage braless, with tattoos adorning their muscled bag-squeezing hands, kilts discarded, flashing their Green Cards.
Dubya retched violently and mispronounced several words as usual. "Gorgileous!" drooled the President, dropping his dummy Tony Blair into a writhing pit-bull terrier, which tonsil-swabbed him and forced large unidentified objects into his stocking.    Prince Edward was in stitches, laughing at Charlie's ears flapping, polishing Camilla's thighs with organic talking parrots. Meanwhile, Queen

Latifa flopped onto