Emma B, I was present in the chat room when the exchange you mention took place, and while on the surface what was reported as having been said was merely bad manners, or possibly even a poor taste joke, only the person relating the story was actually there.
It's a lot like things written on here, meant in one sense by the writer and taken in another sense by a reader, either because of poorly written posts, or because of wilful malice on the part of the reader.
I think you had to be there before you could declare a position regarding the reported remarks. You have to know the situation, the ambiance,the amount of drink taken, and many other variables.
So if the person who told us the story says he was offended by the behaviour, we have to accept that he found it offensive at the time, as neither of us were present.
Giok