If I had the plague
I would aroint
And sit me down in a burger joint.
Eating the whoppers,
Fat and swell,
Guaranteed to make me well!!

Whack fall diddly, doo rum ring
Make me one with everything

If I were a mindless,
Bureaucratic cog
Each day for lunch I would eat hot dogs!
Chow down buns and relish times three
Guaranteed to make me free!

Whack fall diddly, doo rum ring
Make me one with everything

If I were a mean ole
Alley Cat
I'd eat hot dogs to make me fat
Steal from the vendors in their carts
And break those lady kittens' hearts

Whack fall diddly, doo rum ring
Make me one with everything

And if I were under
A bodhi tree
I'd use hamburger to set me free
Eat all the bacon burgers I could wanna
Make my way up to McNirvana!

Whack fall diddly, doo rum ring
Make me one with everything

Bogus McFaddist
Songs My Father Wouldn't Want to Hear
Folk-Dump Music, Vancouver, 1997