JennyO--I didn't mean it that way-though in reading my original post(the one near the top, it seems like I did)--what I meant, was more like--"You are in danger!! You can't tell, even after twenty years, what is going to set him off"--as you say, just living with some people is perilous--and often, it takes people with toxic partners a long time to realize what their true situation is--

Sometimes, people with mental illness use their instability as a lever to manipulate people. And they use the unpredictability of their outbursts as a way of controlling the people around them. Not that they are pretending to lose control illness, it's just that they have learned to channel it--

Not sure if that is the case here, but it is clear that AM lives in a climate of fear that has existed for a long time--I think she has been a victim for a long time, and she has to find a way out.