My parents never, in my memory laid a hand on me. However, both were verbally abusive and neglectful the vast majority of the time. On a couple of occasions, when I was about 10 or 11 my mother packed my baby brother into his pram and walked out on me and my other brother when we had done something to upset her, telling us that she was going back to her mother's and we could explain to my father why. She would stay out for an hour or two, leaving Mike and me in real fear of our father's reaction. I grew up feeling unloved and worthless, ended up pregnant at 17 because someone showed me some affection. I was estranged from my parents for a few years and, more recently, estranged from my mother for about 20 years because there was no love there and she still tended to be abusive, even when I was an adult.

With my own children I occasionally spanked them, particularly when I was the only parent after my divorce. My daughter, in particular, could be very defiant and needed definite boundaries set. I did realise that I was tending to scream at them, in the same way as my parents had screamed at me. I tried to tone that down once I became aware of the problem. The difference was, I always told my children how much I loved them, showed interest in what they were doing and tried to give them confidence in their own abilities. They have both grown up to be good people who have shown their love for me on many occasions. Both have a child and have used smacks occasionally. However, they both make sure that their child knows it is loved and work to build a good relationship while the child is small.

I think that, if you can avoid it, then don't spank. IMHO it is more important to inculcate a sense of worth into any child and to make them feel that someone really cares for them.