Jacqui, that's probably the most important point anyone has made so far.

My own daughter was insulted by my ex-wife a few years ago (in her early twenties) by a suggestion that she was 'a mistake'.

Whilst it's true her birth hadn't been planned, the suggestion seemed to be that she wasn't wanted, either. Fortunately I was luckier with my choice of words when she told me what her mother had said - I said 'The best things often happen by accident'... it raised a lovely big smile.

Yes, words can be as abusive as violence - often more so, as the effects are more far reaching.

The story goes that a man told lies about his neighbour. He quickly regretted what he had said, and went to the Wise Old Woman for advice on how to put things right.

She told him to fill a carrier bag with feathers and take it to her, which he did.

She then asked him to go to the top of a nearby hill, empty the bag into the wind, then return with the empty bag, which he did.

She then said 'Now go and bring back every one of those feathers..."