In a Child Care career spanning thirty years, I was described by children I cared for as 'Firm but fair'. I once hit a child, very early in my career but felt so bad about it I never did it again, after all, who am I to hit anyone...who has the right to hit anyone when the example you set is that it is O.K to hit someone who is out of line. Even with children who have only just reached the cognitive understanding stage...it is possible to calmly reason with them and to ...wait for the word....'Negotiate'. Many adults believe that they have to be in control of their children but I truly believe that you have to convince a child that he/she needs to be in control of their own actions...to be responsible. If you set an example of adult irresponsibility...how can you expect a child to behave well. If you shout and hit...it must be O.K because you are the parent.
Talk to them...shout at them (minimally) when necessary...that is when really necessary and not when you are out of control yourself.
Never tell a child they are naughty...you may well reinforce thoughts they have of things that they do, but will come to believe they are a naughty child. Always confront the behaviour WITH the child not just confronting a child by shouting at them...the behaviour should be the target for change not the child.
Praise kids when they are doing well...treat them..love them and reap the rewards.
Why do kids love other peoples mums and sometimes dads and show them more respect than you....because they carefully deal with your child instead of jumping on them when they do something out of line. How do you handle other peoples children and do your own kids not deserve the same respect and treatment...would you hit your friends child?
I apologise if the above seem like instructions...I meant them as suggestions because they mostly worked for me...... Try following the example of the people you know your child really has respect for and behaves for... they are doing something different to you and it seems to work.
I hope some of what I have said my be helpful to anyone who sees some sense in it.