Nanny Blair's take over all human activity is nearly complete

Yes, stage one - the banning of folk singing in pubs - is just the start. Blair's ultimate goal is to make it compulsory for all UK citizens to listen to the Bee Gees, Cliff Richard and Oasis at all times (plus the recording of the Ugly Rumours reunion concert, to be held later this year as part of his "Blaze of Glory" departure; and the complete Labour Party conference speeches of our esteemed PM).

Of course we will all have to carry licenced iPods, and we will be taxed per minute of listening. The iPods will require an annual check to make sure they are properly charged with the designated mp3s (this check will of course be mandatory at a cost to the owner). Anyone caught fast-forwarding through Sir Cliff's version of the Lord's Prayer set to the tune of Old Lang Syne, will be fined for speeding.

By Jove I needed that! :-)