Gizmo I am with you 100% The bells were ringing as I read your post.
Unfortunately if you have never experienced it, you never know how bad it is.
I remember having to phone a help line in the middle of the night, just for support, becuase I couldn't hack it anymore with my daughter. I had severe lack of sleep and was trying to hold a day job down. It was horrendous.
Incidentally it is very interesting about the ADHD/Aspergers situation. That is something they test for if you are diagnosed with ADHD. My daughter had mild traits of Aspergers, but not bad enough to diagnose her with Aspbergers. I occasioanally see things happen with her and think, Blimey that is as bad if not worse than my Autistic daughter. Incidentally, she knows that she has ADHD, but she doesn't know that the Aspergers part is there. She would be mortified if she knew.
What a lot of people don't know, is the effect it has on married life. We vowed we would get through it together, but what a price.