When you go away for the weekend at least leave the gas fire on low - a flood from frozen pipes you don't need right now....

Have you got insurance? Can your friendly plumber construct a believable "accident" scenario with the boiler?

Does your friendly plumber know of (or can he find out) people who are upgrading central heatings? When my late wife insisted on "upgrading" ours (it's never been right since) we had trouble getting rid of an old old boiler that was built like a tank and the only thing that was dysfunctional was the clock (or was it the thermostat) - but it worked fine if you just turned it on and off by hand.