This is the Version My dad use to sing to me when I was growing up:
("Phift" - make a short fart sound)

(Chorus)
Where oh where are you tonight
Why did you leave me here all alone
I've Searched the world over and thought I found True Love
You met another and "phift" you were gone

(Verse)
You had six kids and I had eleven
We had four more and they grew like flowers
Oh won't you come home and help me my Darlin'
cause your kids and my kids are beating up ours

(Repeat Chorus)

(Verse)
You took off you hair, your leg and eyeglasses
you should've seen the look on my face
I wanted to kiss, I wanted to hug you
But you were scattered all over the place

(Repeat Chorus)

(Verse)
The noises you made at our dinner table
Your habits my dear are surely absurd
Oh how many times do I have to tell you
that soup is a dish to be seen and not heard

(Repeat Chorus)2X